Scandal Review: I’m Just A Bill

by BREANA BACON

Listen, y’all. I am hurt. I’m disgusted, mortified, traumatized, and confused. I know y’all are too.

I know if you all are like me, you are currently debating on calling the FCC to demand an answer for this threat to sanity being allowed to infiltrate our television airways every Thursday, and writing a strongly worded and emotionally loaded email to Shonda Rhimes asking how she could put us through the stress we encountered in this episode. Especially in the final two minutes.

Although I actually fell off my couch this week and I am still struggling to sort through my emotions, I still have to get you all through the foolishness of this episode.

Bear with me, good people, as the struggle ensues.

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First off, you all know by now that I am not, nor will I ever be, here for Daddy Pope. But for him to have the NERVE to show up at Olivia’s door and have the AUDACITY to tie up and sedate her fine piece of chocolate man-candy just pushed me over the edge. Then this man begins to monologue, as per usual. He goes on and on about how HE is the only one who really knows Olivia and knows that she isn’t going to sacrifice the Republic for the sake of people, namely Jake From State Farm, and he is so sure that she won’t take B-613 down and throw her dear old dad in jail. YAWN. Look, I don’t know where Rowan thought he was or who he thought he was speaking with but daddy, stepdaddy, or sugar daddy, Liv does not bang with him. At all. You think you can kill her best friend, try to kill her mother (she may be a ruthless domestic terrorist but she’s still Liv’s mama), AND kill her boyfriend’s son and you think she’s gonna help you out all because your name is signed on her birth certificate. Can we get a “You tried it” for 300, Alex?

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The next foolishness of the night is the situation of the Brandon Bill. I’m sure we all remember the powerful episode that aired about a month ago, touching on the subjects of police brutality and racism. In light of that fiasco, Fitz has proposed a bill that is honestly a 1200-page equivalent to the stuffing inside a pillow and needs the Senate to pass it, like yesterday. There’s a tie of yays and nays in the Senate voting, so Fitz calls in the President of the Senate to get her on his side. For those of you who either failed U.S. Government or fell asleep during the section in class where the Senate and House of Representatives was covered, the Vice President of the United States is the President of the Senate. Although the new Veep has done more than prove herself as a placeholder, Cyrus, Mellie, and Fitz clearly still assume that she’s filled with nothing more than spirit and enthusiasm.

Welp, she showed them that it’s true what they say about assumptions….

Madam Veep makes it clear that she’s not making one decision about anything until she scours over the entire bill herself. Now, I’ve done a lot of reading in my years of being literate and we read a lot of books in college (allegedly) but I would NOT, WILL not read 1200 pages of anything. NOT A THING. It takes Fitz going in and realizing that this woman means business. So Susan girl, you better go off on Fitz and tell him about himself so he can rewrite that sloppy bill. Do you, boo boo.

With all of this Brandon business, it came as no surprise that Marcus Walker, aka Al Jesse Jackson-Sharpton Jr., was on Liv’s hotline this week. But his reason for calling her caught me completely off-guard. Marcus has taken the publicity he’s received for battling on Brandon’s behalf and is now running for mayor. I was a little baffled as to why he asked Liv to meet him at the mayor’s house….until they walk in to see a very bloody and very dead wife of the mayor on the bed and Marcus with blood all over his hands. Now, y’all know that means somebody’s going to jail and it most certainly isn’t anyone who’s name isn’t Marcus Walker. A black man alone in a room with a dead white woman? Look, I’m about to start digressing and that just isn’t any of my business.

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I’m going to be honest, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes a little as Marcus relayed his version of events as seen from the closet he was hiding in. A month ago you were shaming Liv for rubbing elbows with the white folks on Capitol Hill but now you need her help. Funny how things come full circle, huh? Marcus better be grateful that Liv had the patience to put the fire out on the bridge that Marcus tried to burn because you never know how the same person you condemn, you end up needing. But that’s the end of my sermon for the night, back to the fun stuff.

We find out that our resident blacktivist was sleeping around with the mayor’s wife and because he couldn’t handle that AND being behind Marcus in the polls, the mayor decides to have his wife killed and frame Marcus for it. Liv knows that Marcus is not the apple of the police department’s eye at the moment, so to keep them out of it, she proposes that the mayor drop out of the race and fully endorse Marcus to avoid being arrested for murder. Marcus does have another choice, though: he could be the one to wear the white hat and confess to his affair with the mayor’s wife, staying true to his calling to fight for justice, but that would mean the end of his political career. We thank God and Shonda that this man chose to avoid the path of hypocrisy and scandal, unlike some other fine black men in this show. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Of course, Liv tells her father that she has no time nor patience for his foolishness and now inspired by the nobility of Marcus Walker, she is choosing justice over everybody and will continue with the plan of destroying B-613. She openly defies her father…and he says he’s proud of her? I was not expecting that and clearly, neither was Liv. I knew there had to be some foolishness about to happen because she’s about to bring the world around you crashing down and all you have to say is that you’re proud of her? Something ain’t right here.

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Sadly, I was right. Daddy Pope ranted about how proud he was of Olivia’s decision, but he did say that if she didn’t help him, he’d take matters into his own hands. And he used Russell, our seemingly wonderful, fine, chocolate man to do it. He jumps out the cut at Pope & Associates where an unsuspecting Jake From State Farm is supposedly coming to meet Olivia. The two duke it out for a minute and Jake rips off Russell’s mask but gets stabbed. I was expecting Jake to take that in stride and kick Russell back to the alley he came from, but as did I, Jake got distracted by Russell’s Daddy Pope-esque monologue and gets stabbed a few more times.

All I want to know is why. Why Jake? WHY SHONDA? All we asked for was a nice, muscular black man unaffiliated with any shadiness to sweep Liv off her feet. We got a gorgeous assassin with a strong right arm. We asked for B-613 to go and for Pope & Associates to wear their white hats. WE GOT A DEAD JAKE BALLARD, SHONDA.

Look, I’m just outright offended at the lack of respect Shonda has for our emotions and our blood pressure. I’m gonna write a letter because I don’t have time for this.

Until next week, my Gladiator friends.

Courtesy: theodysseyonline.com
Courtesy: theodysseyonline.com